I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
