I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my liver is dry heaving
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
