I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
