this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
