Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
