The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
