after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
