Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
