I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
