He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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