i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
