Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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