She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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