forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
