3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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