I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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