found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
