You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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