Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
time to smoke my breakfast
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
