It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
