And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
