scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
