Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
