I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
