I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
