everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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