Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
