i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
