I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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