can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
