What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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