I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
