i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
