Can i not drive my cunt home
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
