you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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