1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am puke
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
