"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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