Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
