This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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