"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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