i think my tv is drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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