wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
