Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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