I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
