I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
