My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
