This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
