I should be sponsored by Trojan
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
