her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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