Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
